So. I had a date ! The guy is on Facebook, nice enough, not very detailed in his emails, can’t even put a picture on his profile. But I had seen him on Zoosk.
Sex, relationships, exes were not discussed online. We decided to see each other at Juliette and Chocolat. Boy was I nervous. He’s Vietnamese, he is a cook, he is learning how to do chocolates, he’s 31, has grown up here in Quebec.
I ordered a milkshake while waiting for him. He arrived late and said (first red flag) « I’m always late ».
We talked and we laughed, we like to read, we have eclectic tastes in music and books, we love to cook (obviously), we both are single and have been for more than a year.
(Second red flag) « One day, I woke up, my girlfriend was at work and there was a letter, she was leaving me. Have not seen her since. »
He invited me to go to the market with him and I said yes. Haven’t been at that specific market in a while. He started buying many things and offered to make me dinner. Didn’t want me to pay for anything. I hesitated but I agreed. He was nice. We went to many other stores : shrimps, oysters, chocolate etc. Nothing was indicating that we were more than friends or would be.
We went at his place. Clean enough, bathroom was clean, the guy has a green thumb. I went to the washroom. (Third red flag, he still has sanitary napkins from his previous relationship…three years ago and more than one toothbrush)
He cooked everything by himself, we drank rum. He was funny and charming. (Another red flag, he says he’s sorry about everything, many times during the conversation, often after I have been complimenting him). Made a pouty face when talking about his ex. (Another red flag, he works between 60 and 80 hours a week) (Oh and he smokes) He says he doesn’t have time to do anything because he works so much (red flag). He says he’s not alcoholic (Red flag he drinks a beer every day and at the end of the meal he was sitting on the floor because he drank too much).
We have things in common with our families too. He studied in Anthropology and dropped out before his Master’s because he loved cooking more than anthropology. He wanted to do something he liked. He’s a perfectionist.
He didn’t want me to leave but I would not stay even on his sofa. He asked for a massage which was okay because, well, it was with his clothes on. It was brief (massage). He is subtle…casually veering me towards The Kiss. Not subtle enough that I don’t see what’s going on. We did eventually kissed and he tried…subtly…to manipulate me to stay. I did miss two buses.
But, really I wanted to go home and my cat wasn’t fed…and I didn’t tell him before this morning (by email) that I had a migraine and was shaking. I told him many times that I wanted to take my time. Before we went to the bus, he asked for my number (yeah, I know, we hadn’t even spoken on the phone), he waited for the bus with me. And he sent me with a doggy bag…and said he wanted to have his tupperwares back.
I became so red he laughed at me. I am supposed to make him pâté chinois next week…if things go well. He called me to make sure I had arrived okay and said many times that he had a nice day. This morning (Monday) he wrote saying he had a great time, loved to kiss me, I do great massages…asked if he made me have nightmares. I said no but I hadn’t told him I had a migraine so I didn’t sleep too well, I am going to look for an acupuncturist. So he didn’t reply after that…Is it because he feels guilty (he says he’s sorry all the time), because he went to work, because he is like my mom and says nothing when someone says they’re in pain ? I said it wasn’t his fault in my email and I hadn’t told him (I thought it would « go away »).
These red flags…they bug me. My Brain. On a date. Exhausting.