ABC

  • A Anovulants, not taking anymore
  • B Baking, I love baking. My family received my cookies and loaves with joy yesterday. I was surprised and pleased.
  • C Condoms, our birth control…should check if we have some hidden somewhere.
  • D Dates, phew it’s over. Now I have dates with my boyfriend
  • E Ever…never, forever, absolutes I want to stop using
  • F Flo, waiting for the visit of Aunt Flo
  • G G. the name of my cat ! I love my cat!
  • H H. My nephew, lovable, cute, adorable
  • I Instruments of torture : toys that make noise. My nephew got a Black and Decker Junior tool set and table. Arg, boum boum boum
  • J J-L, my wonderful boyfriend
  • K Kids, we want some
  • L Love, I finally found someone great to love and he loves me back
  • M M.M. Should I still wait for her ? Friendship shouldn’t be so frustrating. We’re supposed to see each other since the month of October
  • N Nose. Arg. I am using Hyfdrasense so I can blow my nose which has been stuffy since September.
  • O Out of my league. My mom gave me a recipe book. Absolutely beautiful but it is soooo out of my range ! I have to look more closely so I can adapt the recipes to do it simple.
  • P Period. Still waiting for it at the moment.
  • Q Q-tips…one of the reasons my ears are blocked.
  • R Rogers, Carl. The father of phenomenology, one of the currents of psychology I chose in my class on psych of personality
  • S Skinner, one of the fathers of the psych of learning (conditioning, stimuli, responses)
  • T Thinking, my brain won’t stop thinking
  • U Uterus, warped. Osteopaths tell me my uterus is crooked, my hips are not aligned
  • V Vagina Monologues, the best book I read…well one of them.
  • W Wynd, my last name, a favorite letter because of it
  • X X, 10 in roman numbers. The approximate number of guests I will have tomorrow night.
  • Y Y.B. I wonder what is going on with him.
  • Z Zumba,  my favorite class at the Y !!

10 chansons préférées

Oh…je sais, je sais, celle-là…Okay attends…Euh…Me semble que je l’aimais celle-là ?…Oh boy, qu’est-ce que ça va dire de moi…ah oui, celle-là…Bref, ça doit faire 20 minutes que je regarde ce que j’ai sur itunes. Okay, là, ça fait une heure…

Bon, j’ai 28 chansons que j’aime vraiment beaucoup. Je vais tricher et en metter 10 sur mon autre blog, héhé.

Voyons voir…J’ai pas le choix, ça me prend une liste de chansons anglos et une liste de chansons francos.

Je dois dire que je suis étonnée de voir que la plupart des chansons ont rapport avec mes ex ou avec mon enfance.

  1. If I Were Your Woman / Gladys Knight and the Pips : Quand j’ai découvert cette toune-là, je la chantais plusieurs fois de suite par jour, à tue-tête, bien sûr. C’était pendant ma période de célibat et des chasteté, je pense.
  2. Dreams / Fleetwood Mac : Cette chanson-là a marqué ma vingtaine. Je me rappelle la première fois où je l’ai entendue. C’était dans la chambre d’un de mes colocs. On était une gang à écouter de la musique pendant qu’ils fumaient. M.T. était là et cette chanson-là va toujours me faire penser à lui. Quand je l’écoute, j’ai l’impression qu’il pleut. La chanson a été reprise par The Corrs sur un disque hommage à Fleetwood Mac, Legacy.
  3. Like it or not / Madonna : C’est la chanson de mon indépendance et de mes phases Fuck You. J’adore cette chanson-là parce que ça met des mots sur ce que je pense : Je suis qui je suis, that’s it.
  4. Sarasa / Susheela Raman : C’est la chanson qui a fait que je me suis mise à écouter les disques de Putumayo et la musique internationale.
  5. If You Were a Carpenter / Dolly Parton & Joe Nichols : J’ai plusieurs versions de cette chanson, mais celle-ci est celle que je préfère parce qu’elle est enjouée. Quand j’étais petite, Ma Soeur et moi étions fascinées par Dolly Parton…je vous laisse deviner pourquoi. C’est une version country et ça doit me venir de mon père qui trippe country.
  6. One / Johnny Cash : J’avais demandé à Y. de me faire des CD et j’ai écouté ces cd-là à répétition et je trouvais des messages cachés partout. J’aurais donc aimé que Y. m’ait choisi ces chansons-là pour m’envoyer un message pour vrai…Quand je veux penser à lui, j’écoute ses CD. J’étais surprise de trouver cette chanson-là dans ses compilations…punk. J’avais aimé la version de U2, mais celle de Johnny Cash est émouvante à cause de sa voix. Frissons.
  7. Way Back into Love / Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore : Oui, je suis quétaine. Mais, bon, j’aime les comédies romantiques et j’aime Drew Barrymore et pendant ma période de célibat, le soundtrack de Music and Lyrics m’a donné de l’espoir et de la joie.
  8. Anyone at all / Carol King : Encore une chanson de trame sonore. Je trippe sur Meg Ryan et j’ai écouté You’ve Got Mail mille fois. C’est la chanson de la fin du film et elle me faisait pleurer chaque fois. Je m’en fous de déjà savoir la fin. C’est comme si la fin pouvait changer, on sait jamais. Alors quand la toune jouait et que je voyais arriver Tom Hanks avec son chien…je braillais. Et je pensais à mes ex que j’aurais aimé aimer plus longtemps. Pis ça me donne l’impression d’être dans The Sound of Music. Allez savoir.
  9. It Wouldn’t Have Made Any Difference / Todd Rundgren : Ah cette chanson-là je l’associe aux ruptures, ça me rend triste. Je l’ai découverte dans le film Almost Famous, un de mes films préférés. Et son autre chanson qui me rend triste je l’associe à l’amitié entre hommes et femmes. J’ai découvert Can we still be friends ? par le film Vanilla Sky.
  10. Slingshots / Morley : Celle-là vient de la trame sonore de Felicity, la série télé. J’avais une période de déprime et Felicity m’amenait dans cet état-là, le genre de funk où je descendais quand je pensais à mes ex. C’était dans la vingtaine et j’étais encore plus nostalgique que maintenant.
  1. Toutes les chances / Mara Tremblay : Au travail, j’écoutais souvent Espace Musique et j’ai découvert Mara tremblay comme ça. Eh bien, cette chanson, me fait penser à mon chum. Amourrrr. Je passe mon temps à penser à toi…J’ai toutes les chances d’échapper mon coeur.
  2. Les oreillons / Tricot Machine : C’est une amie qui m’a fait écouter ça pendant qu’on passait du temps à son chalet et il a fallu que je me retienne de pleurer quand j’ai écouté cette chanson-là. Je pensais à C. mais, je ne suis jamais passée proche de lui dire…mais, j’ai pensé à Y., à M., à ma solitude. Ça fait cent fois que je me rends pas à ton oreille…cent fois que j’t’le dis pas…Grosse émotions.
  3. Fais-moi une place / Julien Clerc : J’ai fait mon spectacle de ballet sur cette chanson quand j’avais six ou sept ans. Mais, c’est le Troll qui est venu me chercher dans les trippes avec ça. C’était tellement pathétique et triste que j’ai craqué. Je pense que c’est la seule fois où il a été honnête et vulnérable avec moi.
  4. Je suis venue te dire que je m’en vais / Carmen Consoli : La soeur de H. est revenue d’Italie avec le CD de carmen Consoli dans ses valises. Je comprends rien à l’Italien mais cette chanson en français a frappé juste. Pour la salope en moi qui a cassé avec bien des hommes sans me retourner…hum. A aussi été chantée par Jane Birkin ainsi que  par Jo Lemaire.
  5. Je m’appelle Solitude / Romane Serda : J’étais curieuse d’entendre le CD de la blonde de Renaud et j’ai été enchantée. Et toute pognée. Aime-moi, aime-moi comme si tu m’avais inventée…Je pensais à l’homme que je voulais rencontrer quand j’écoutais ça.
  6. Montréal / Ariane Moffatt : Encore le Troll. J’avais le coeur qui volait dans ma poitrine quand j’écoutais la chanson qui me faisait vivre l’espoir pendant qu’il était en voyage. Elle est restée une chanson que j’aime parce qu’elle est joyeuse. J’ai des visions d’aéroports ensoleillés.
  7. Saskatchewan / Trois Accords : Okay c’est niaiseux les chansons des Trois Accords, mais je ne peux pas résister à celle-ci. Pathétique, évocatrice, triste. Bouhou.
  8. Et si tu n’existais pas / Doba Caracol : La version est encore mieux que celle de Joe Dassin. Une chanson qui me fait penser à J. D. La chanson des peines d’amour, du romantisme.

Je ne sais plus quoi choisir.

The year of living dangerously in the world of polygamy and polyamory

There was a time where after a very long relationship and changing my medication I was as horny as a teenager but had enough experience to make it work. I was organized and honest with myself and the men I saw for a time.

I had to put my dates in my schedule so I wouldn’t mix them up. I was seeing many men at the same time. I had a broken heart, raging hormones, the time to do it and well…those men were yummy. Plus my main man, let’s call him that, felt uncomfortable being my only man.

He was seeing other women. I knew it and I knew it came with the package. I didn’t see why it would be a problem for me to sleep only with him but I decided to try it and off I was in the merry land of the polyamorous and polygamous. Polyamorous because they all knew about each other and for two of them I really wanted things to work. Polygamous because some of these guys I had no intention of having a real relationship with.

There was my main man : vegetarian, computer tech, brilliant, sexy, affectionate, funny and nurturing. He didn’t want PDAs because his ex might see us. Or the other women. I still like him very, very much.

There was this incredibly hot graphic designer who rode a motorbike, liked punk music, was very talented and liked the same movies I did. Hot and steamy in bed.

Then there was also this troubled gym freak who went muscle training 5 times a week without getting muscle mass, shaved his entire body before it was fashionable, he was in love with his car, he liked mangas, he was older. Why not. He ate a gummy bear that fell down my camisole. Small dick, comfy bed. I think he was a closet gay.

And there was this one night stand that turned out to last a bit more because the condom broke so we had to stay in touch. I know condoms are not supposed to break but I never put them on it was always the guy and I had three break the same year. So this man, I met in a bar, he was a landscape architect. Kept sending mixed signals, I don’t want a girlfriend, I want to see you more. When I saw him in the light of day I almost had a heart attack. Oh but I loved his rough hands.

And there was the guy my sister presented to me. Alcoholic and very boring. Ordinary. Hockey lover, horrible sense of humor. I’m pretty sure he’s the delight of some young schoolteacher and that they live in the suburbs.

So some of these guys I saw every two weeks, some once in a while, some more often. I didn’t feel cheap, used, or like a prostitute. I had fun. I felt powerful, energized.

It was just sex. I would have liked more (with the computer guy and with the biker) but I understood it would be impossible. One had intimacy issues and the other had just broken up with his girlfriend. So I took what I could get and gave what I could give and it was fun.

Of course I was sad when my computer geek decided to try monogamy with a schizophrenic coworker (I had to pick him up when it was over, worse mistake he made) and I was devastated when my punk biker decided he couldn’t go on like this because I was seeing other men. I mean, I hadn’t finished having fun. The toy wasn’t broken, it was still so new. I knew I wasn’t the one for him by a long shot. I predicted the kind of girl he was going to end up with, perfect for him, and it gave him juice to find her.

I was very lucky not to get an STD, lucky my heart wasn’t really broken, intelligent enough to fully understand the limits of those relationships.

And boy do I love condoms. makes the whole thing safer, more relaxed. To me.

When those relationships ended, some sooner than later, I just jumped right into the next one.

Novembre 2000: Les condoms pétés

He was a biker and a chick magnet. We worked together and I always found him really sexxxy. At Halloween we were both dressed in black and orange and that’s when he finally really looked at me. I had lost 50 pounds, was really looking good.

We started chatting on Messenger and it would become our way of communicating because we were both too shy to express ourselves any other way. I had the blessing of my Man so I went ahead with this seduction. It was all very innocent…and so original…movies at his place. It was supposed to be Indiana Jones but we didn’t even make it to the half of the movie. We were squirming on the coach, breathing hard, hands flying, hair all out of place, legs entertwined together as we tried to take off our clothes.

His bed was warm and cozy. But together we were like a zylophone, bones against bones and I just didn’t know how to place myself. It took hours before we put on the condom and it was really hot.

Until it broke !!! I was so unfortunate. I was huddled in a ball and we had to go through our sex history and it sounded so familiar. I had to tell him about Mont-Tremblant and later on, I had to tell him about the Man.

Once again I was safe.

But my heart wasn’t. I was really hooked on that guy who had nothing in common with me. I wanted him bad. But he couldn’t. He had broken up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago and was very fucked up about everything, I didn’t want to have a boyfriend at the moment and I didn’t want to chose between the Man and him. I told him I wouldn’t leave the other man, I just couldn’t. maybe if I had left him, the biker would have stayed with me. But maybe not.

We broke it off but we hooked up once in a while when we grew antsy form all that messenging. He would come at my place or me at his and sex was all we did. But in the end, it didn’t work out…best friends with benefits. We couldn’t tell anyone and he felt like he took advantage of me, I felt like I didn’t want to see him leave my place. The time he left right after, I decided it was over, it would never happen again, a guy leaving like this. And it never has. But then I never had another friends with benefits…excepting from those I already had.

I had just broken up with Prince Charming, I was grieving, I needed some action after three years of absolutely no desire, give me a break…!! Speaking of breaking, I stopped using pharmacy brands for condoms and use japanese condoms : slimmer, tougher, you can feel everything and I tolerate them better, no spermicide. More expensive, smaller…except for certain brands made in Extra large which means normal for Quebecquers.