40D ?!

I have gone from 38C to 40D. In 2 or 3 weeks.

I tried more than a dozen 38D bras at The Bay and they all fit. However, 38 was just okay. I wasn’t sure whatsize  Ireally  needed with the thoracic cage expanding.

I finally went at Thyme’s store where I got help (finally). I bought breastfeeding bras because they are in cotton and they are way more comofrtable than the other 3 models available. One model is for smaller breasts, the other is a Transformers bra and it scratches and the last one offers more support, it covered the whole breast. It made me look matrony, there was too much space in there and it’s so big you could see it when I had my shirt on, at the neck.

3 t-shirts for 9$, a bathing suit at 60$, 2 bras : 170$. Bras were the 2nd at half price. I had doubts. It won’t take long before they don’t fit anymore. Is it worth the investment ? The seller recommended that I keep one of the bras with the tags on so if my other bra doesn’t fit in a couple of weeks (we have 4 weeks to exchange it), I can exchange the one with the tags for a bigger one !

Now I understand why I received puzzled looks lately at work. They see something weird but they don’t know what it is. My plan is to not tell anyone until I return from vacation near the end of August. I hope my body can calm down until the start of the vacation…

De A à C, passez par-dessus B

28 novembre 2007

so I went to my meeting this morning. I had a meeting with a nice woman from an organization that helps victims of crimes and I thought I was taking way too much of her time, it lasted two hours. I took the day off to go there and have the day to myself so I could go through my emotions alone if I needed to. But we didn’t really go into details…yeah even in two hours. I got phone numbers, documents, references for places to go to and meet people about this. It’s good, I wanted that.

I guess that’s why I need help. I just circle the subject, don’t really say the words, hint at things, I have trouble really talking about what I lived through. There is just sooo much ! I just can’t get it out and I’m alone with it so I do what I always do when I’m really stressed. I forget. It’s unconscious but my body just finds a way for me to forget or skip over stuff, block out emotions. I can’t talk about it with anyone around me so I have to find ways to cope by myself. Therapy is useful but I’m there once a week and sometimes I should be there every day !

You see, I talked about one of the firsts sexual attacks I had and since then I ate at restaurants more than three times a week, started eating chocolate again, slept more than ten hours once and feel like sleeping more every morning. That’s the way my body and mind works when all my post-trauma wakes up. I eat and sleep. Yoga is good for relaxing but it doesn’t help me spend my energy so I’ll have to go to toning again so I can just grunt the pain away.

I also bought a bra today. Impulse buying. Very big when stressed out. But I really needed a new bra. I keep pushing this aside because shopping for underwear is like going to the dentist. I hate it. So I finally bought a new bra and the lady says I’m a C cup. I can’t beee !!!! Last time I was a C was when I weighed 160. So I have to check what I eat and drink and exercise cause there is no way I’m going back up to 160. NO f*** WAY. (Au moment où je vous copie ça de mon ancien blog, j’ai dépassé le 160 parce que je vais au gym plusieurs fois par semaine alors je suis moins ronde qu’avant). No wonder that guy said I had a nice rack last time…I still thought I was an A. I also wear 38 instead of 34 and 36. Am I blowing up or something ? is it all that unspent sexual energy that goes to my boobs to attract males and populate the planet ? Am I going to look like a pidgeon soon ? I should test if I can put a glass between my breasts or a plate on them as if it was a shelf.

You’re wondering why I’m freaking out at having bigger boobs. AH. Have you tried girl’s clothes lately ? It’s like trying on kiddy clothes. Everything is made for twigs. You can’t have a butt, breasts, round arms or thighs. You can’t be a woman. You have to be anorexic or twelve to fit in what is in stores. OH GOOOD will I have to go shopping in Plus sizes now that my boobs are ten times the size I thought they were ?!

Pfft. It’s good to have some drama in non-existential places of my life. It gets things in perspective. Let’s forget about death threats, police arrests, rapes, harassment, my supposed future and my budget and let’s focus on my weight and boobs size !

I don’t have to complain. Last time I measured, in the last two weeks, I still was pretty okay. But phew…C cup.