En couple ou célibataire: dans les deux cas, suis-je heureuse? Alone or with my bf am I happy ?

YES. To both.

I’m not single anymore but when I was I was very happy. Now that I’m with J-L, I am as happy. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have a baby.

I loved being single because I did whatever I wanted when I wanted and when I decided to clean, everything was done the way I liked and all in the same day. I liked doing things for me, not having to think of someone else.

Now that I’m in a relationship (for 3 years and a half), I’m very happy. I love that he comes back after work and we get to tell each other inane things about our days. I love how he loves me and I mostly love that I love him and have never stopped since I met him. I love making him laugh, cuddling, cooking things I think he will like. He is a friend, a husband and a lover…oh and he doesn’t mind if we don’t have tons of sex. Very good. Because 34 weeks pregnant, it isn’t getting easier. It’s even more of a bother. But all those little kisses and hugs and huge smiles, it’s what makes it so worthwhile.

I’m grateful he’s there because I wouldn’t be able to do it all alone : manage the bobo, the pregnancy, the neuronitis…

Nablopomo October : Between

What does between mean to me right now ?

Well, right now, in this moment, I am between being a couple with my boyfriend, being a girlfriend and a mom. Between a couple and a family. I am between being a working woman and a new mom on maternity leave. Between being highly functional and in control and being unsure of my decisions…and let’s face it, slightly out of control.

I have been between many things. Between the job I wanted to get out of and the new job I wanted. Between feeling miserable and on the way to feeling okay.

It could be a bad thing to be between but it’s not. I don’t feel uncertain and scared. I feel like I should enjoy what I have now and I live in expectation of what comes next. The new colleague I will have to train so the two colleagues will be able to function without me, the baby I will have to train to become a functioning baby, kid and adult, the couple I will have to return to so my love life doesn’t end with the baby, the family life I have denied myself for so long…

Between two good things.

The future is here

I started dating my boyfriend 2 years ago. It didn’t take long before we knew we were meant to be together and we wanted it to last. I knew within the first date that I wanted him in my life.

After three weeks, he had pledged his love and his life to me. It was kind of a wedding vow while he was sitting in my kitchen.

It has been a great 2 years during which I got a permanent job, he lost his and started school again, I stopped therapy, he moved in, we discovered the beach and tried fancy restaurants to celebrate stuff, we laughed, we broke my bed, I got raises, he asked for a loan, etc.

We talked about kids and having a house and it all seemed so far away.

But this week, we realized that the future is here. In 6 months he will finish school and get a job. After he gets a job, we wait three months…and we are going to « try it ». If everything goes well, we are going to have sexy time without protection. I will be 36 so I don’t know how long it will take but I am finally nearing that point I have waited for for years.

YEEEE!!!

What do I bring in Ottawa ?

We are going to Ottawa this weekend for my boyfriend’s goddaughter’s birthday. She is turning 5 !

It will be our first trip where we sleep somewhere for more than one night. I find this so romantic. But I don’t know what he thinks. He comes from there so maybe it’s not really adventurous or wonderful for him. I sure hope he is excited to go with me and visit. I hope we have a great time and that we get along.

I should ask him what his expectations are except for visiting a bar that has something to do with Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I am going because I have to do what he wants sometimes. Right ? If it were up to me all we would do is read, take pictures, walk, clean, cook and go grocery shopping. I’m a solitary person and he’s a very sociable person. He needs to go out and meet people. I don’t. There is nothign wrong with being fine alone. I have friends but I don’t need to see them every week.

He’s not a big planner and I am.

So what do I bring in Ottawa…

  • An umbrella because it might rain Monday ok
  • 3 pairs of panties ok
  • My support shorts so my thighs don’t do couic-couic by rubbing together ok
  • A skirt ok
  • A cardigan ok
  • 3 tops ok
  • A nightie ok
  • Toothbrush and toothpaste ok
  • Face and body cream ok
  • Mascara, powder, sunscreen ok
  • Shampoo. conditioner ok
  • Comb ok
  • Soap and face cleaner ok
  • Black pantashort ok
  • Flip-flops ok
  • Running shoes ok
  • Guides for restaurants ok we printed the addresses
  • Train tickets and room reservation number ok
  • Gift and card J-L is taking care of it
  • Money ok
  • Android Karenina ok
  • Laptop ? no
  • Camera ok

I hope the cake is as good as last year’s. It was a Cinderella cake and it was fabulous.

I’m kind of anxious about this trip. What if we discover we can’t get along while visiting ? What if we get bored of each other ? What if we don’t think alike on the money to spend at restaurants and can’t find places we both want to eat at ? What if we have nothing to say to each other ? Anyway. I worry for nothing. Everything will go fine, we will have fun and we will come back even more in love. We will laugh and kiss and fart glitter and see rainbows and unicorns. 🙂

That man is so patient and easygoing. Nothing can go wrong. Right ?

Just waiting

Yep I’m just waiting.

I have been waking up at 4 all week and this morning at 5. I’m waiting for this to pass so I can sleep a bit more and be less tired and stop with the headaches.

I’m waiting for my boyfriend to finish school and find a job so we can start TTC. My first time typing these letters.

I’m in my kitchen, my boyfriend is asleep, the cat is outside. I love quiet mornings like this. Even if I live in the city, I can hear birds. My neigboorhood is quiet enough, sun is coming up. I hear cars far away, birds, the freezer.

I’m waiting before beginning breakfast but I have my mug of coffee. Waiting to go buy some earth so I can begin my balcony garden. This year I decided to try plastic bins to have enough room to grow things that need more place for the roots. Like tomatoes. I have never grown tomatoes before. I got rid of the chair and table on my balcony so I have space for the bins. I would like to plant herbs also, love herb gardens. The earth will cost a lot because I bought 56L bins and I have to buy earth where there is delivery. We have no car, no driver’s license. But I just thought I could go to Canadian Tire and take a taxi to come back. Taxi will be more expensive than grocery delivery (yes, our grocery store sells earth) but the earth will be cheaper and I will be able to buy the one I like. Cool.

Waiting for the store to open.

Waiting for my paintings to sell so I have space for other paintings. I have white canvas that is waiting to be painted upon.

I think I was waiting to be really over all of « it » before deciding on getting rid of my paintings.

Now I’m waiting for people to buy them. I already sold one and maybe a second on Facebook. I would sell them on the net except I don’t want the trouble of sending them, some of these paintings are really big and I would have to detach the canvas from the frame.

I have to think about that.