It’s done ! I have sent it to the instructor. I have heart palpitations, cold hands and a feeling like I’m on a bipolar high. I feel like cords inside of me are tight and I could scream any moment. My second psychology homework !
It is a huge deal to me because I love learning but after getting my diploma in 1998, I just couldn’t go back to school. I died a little inside at the thought of it. I know we don’t have to go to school to learn but I wanted to learn about things I couldn’t by myself. The challenge of passing the class is a motivation to keep going when I feel comatose. Comatose from the information overload I’m getting.
I hesitated for years and I even went to see a school councilor. I was tested, we talked. It appears I should be in science ! That’s where you see how your role in a family determines your futures sometimes…my family thought of me as an intellectual and artist. I hated math because my mom had hated it too and thought it was hard. So I took the basic classes in high school and took the optional classes of drama, arts and beauty classes. No physics, advanced math or chemistry.
I went to college in arts before deciding I wanted to be a library technician. But my tests showed I could have easily gone into science in college (if I had done the prerequisite). And what appealed to me was microbiology like my mom used to do. She’s retired and…a volunteer guide in a museum. Isn’t it ironic ? She’s the arty type.
I didn’t want to go in psychology or sexology because I felt it was my pattern of wanting to classify everything, explain everything. I guess I’m not far off as a lib tech because everything in its place, a place for everything. In psychology or sexology, an explanation for everything, everything has an explication whatever the theory is. But I chose psych because I would have to ditch my job to go back to school if I want to go in science. And I can do psych classes in my home instead of at the university.
So I finally chose. I registered at a school that offers only home classes and I chose a short program in personality psychology. I love it. I take only one class at a time or I wouldn’t have time to go to the gym, work, write, read, cook etc. I have lots of free time because the boyfriend goes to night school too.
I had 90% in my first homework. I hope I get a good mark on the one I sent yesterday. I’m scared as hell to discover I didn’t understand a thing and that I’m way off in my understanding of phenomenology and theories based on learning. I’m scared to discover I’m even better than I thought. I want to exceed my expectations. I want to be the best. But I can’t compare myself, alone in my kitchen. I just really want to be great.
I guess that’s why I chose phenomenology as a theory. Carl Rogers said that humans strive for self-actualization. I’m the best example there is.