I guess I have been feeling anxious, a bit restless.
Last night I had to put a bandage after all. I slept badly but I don’t know why. We have a new ventilator so the room is cool and comfy. Everything in my life is going well, no major dramas.
Maybe I’m anxious about the pregnancy and the future effects it will have. For example :
- I don’t like my sister and she doesn’t like me. Is she going to make it difficult for my child ? Will she be able to act correctly in front of him or her ?
- Will I be able to trust my alcoholic mom with the baby ?
- I don’t have friends with kids. Who am I going to talk to about whatever is going on ? I plan on registering for mommy and me playgroups and cardio poussettes but it’s not the same.
- Will I be able to take care of the baby ? Is my vision too romantic ? I am sure my vision of what it is like with a child is not romantic, it’s more really cynic and realist.
- Will I be able to keep my cool or will I become like my parents and yell ?
- I am afraid I will miscarry or that something might happen or that the baby is sick.
It goes on and on.
I hope it goes away. Since I have noone to talk to about this except my boyfriend, I feel lonely. I need some mommy friends I think.