I put that blog in my RSS and lately I have been neglecting my RSS reader. I have been tired (I almost slept 12 hours friday night and staurday night) and I have been preoccupied with…The Good Wife. So this morning, I decided to use one of the questions to prompt a bit of writing.
No. I don’t think my parents brought me up right. But yes they did.
It depends on what I look at. Of course, this is going to look like I blame them for everything. I do. But then I didn’t stop there, I changed things. Isn’t what growing up is all about ? Moving on, forging ahead, creating the life one wants ?
Nobody’s life is perfect, right? Mine certainly wasn’t and my parents gave me what they had which isn’t that much if I look at it carefully. Slaps behind the head, control issues, alcoholism, muteness about what’s important. It all affected me and it all gave me the message that it’s better to slap someone when that person doesn’t live up to your expectations or if that person defies you…or shut up and drink if you are so mad and you can’t talk. Violence is a lack of words. My family is really super good at talking about nothing. It’s boring. I think that the only real talk we had, my mom and I, was about sex.
I had to wait to go in therapy to talk about what really bothered me, about all that was stuck inside me and I couldn’t get out. When reality is too difficult for me, and all I have learned is to act like everything is fine…it is really stretching the fabric of reality and stretching the mind and memory…I have to make everything fit so I forget things. Exactly like my mom.
So my life up to a few years back was about forgetting, shutting up and being mad. As a child it was also about being so mad and having no control and getting into fights.
However, my mom loved me. Badly but she still did. I can’t say the same about my biodad. Loving me brought me up better. Kind of.
My mom is curious and I am the same way. She loves to read and so do I. Everything I lacked I took from my books. Books brought me up better and friends also helped.
My mom showed me that people do change sometimes. Not always in the way I would like but they do change. For example, my mom is never going to stop drinking. But she became a bit more honest about herself. And I put clear boundaries that she tries not to cross.She showed me it is good to celebrate, she loves to party. I prefer celebrating every birthday as the conquest of another year. She loves food and every meal was a battle because I didn’t like food but now that I’m grown up, I love food. Superficial stuff.
My parents didn’t bring me up quite right but they sure showed me how not to be.