I wrote not so long ago how I had a coup de foudre for a friend. I fell head over heels and I knew that I had to check myself.
The downside of therapy for me is that I started trusting people again…I shouldn’t. Not when I have a crush. With friends I should act and think as if it was a love relationship. I should search for friends the same way and everything that follows should follow the same route :
- I should check for red flags.
- I should also check for good points.
- Wait at least 8 meetings before any true confessions or before saying « my friend ».
- Meet in public spaces until that 8th « date ».
- Put the person on the « Limited profile » list on Facebook.
- Not give them the address of my blog.
- Hearing their stories with skepticism at first.
- Analyze body language and speech.
- Listen to my instinct.
- Listen to my brain when it says « Careful ! If you are going too fast, if it seems too good to be true and you are too enthusiastic it means something is wrong with the person! ».
- Wait and wait before making the person meet my boyfriend or friends.
- Wait before arranging blind dates with people know.
The new friend I made does not have this blog, is not on Facebook anymore. But I have arranged a blind date for her, she has met my boyfriend, she is coming to the party tonight. It all went too fast. I acted like those pathetic girls who are rendered deaf by the ticking of their biological clocks and have no judgment anymore. Like a headless turkey running around. Blind and deaf. Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk. I will be more careful with the bucket in the future.
At the moment, she only calls when she is crying or something she sees as weird happened. She called me on the 24th and talked for an hour and a half about how she wasn’t sure she could come to the party because she and her boyfriend might break up, bla bla bla. She doesn’t call except for that. I was worried for her. I was worried about my boyfriend’s best friend. Now I think I should just think of her as the girlfriend of the friend.
Before therapy, it took 2 years before someone could be called a friend. Those were the good times. Those friendships last and last and last… While friendships started after my therapy do not.
Have I learned my lesson ? I hope so. It’s harder following my own advice.