I was invited to a birthday party and I decided not to go. After I said I would.
I felt weird accepting the invitation. Her friend J. called me saying that M. was going to be 30 and she wanted a party and she had made a list of people she wanted there. But it’s supposed to be a surprise party.
Anyway, I told J. I didn’t understand why M. would want me there. We haven’t seen each other in 2 years. I had invited M. to get a drink and she always told me that we would go when she would be less busy. It never happened. After 2 months I let go. She didn’t call and I didn’t either.
After everything we went through and after missing her, I thought the party would be good. But I have a tendency to say yes when I’m invited to her things because I don’t want to be petty about her inviting me only on special occasions. I feel like the good china you get out at holidays, you never take it out daily. I don’t want to seem like I’m holding a grudge. But I think I am.
We had a fight a long while ago and I never got over it. I felt betrayed by M. and it wasn’t the first time. I have missed her friendship a lot but I guess I am still angry. I don’t know why. It’s been so long. I invite her to see my paintings exhibited in a restaurant, we had a small party and she came for five minutes. When she invited me to celebrate life…in an email sent to at least 20 people…I accepted and I went. I barely got to talk to her. And now it’s the birthday party. I am supposedly an important person to her. That’s what J. told me.
And I wonder. Why? Does she have a new boyfriend she has to show me ? Five minutes to spare ? Or an invitation to call her while she is so busy ? Why does she want me there ? If I was so important, she would ask to see me alone so we could talk.
I am exasperated by this. Anyway, I decided not to go. I miss J-L and he’s there and we’re going on a date tonight instead. In three months he finishes school. Those three months can’t come quickly enough.
Meanwhile, I’m going to continue my quest for firendship to find a friend who won’t tell me « when I do this sign, go away and leave us alone ». Yep. You read right. Exasperated.