When I retire

Shelly has posted If You Want A Long Life, Get A Hobby and she is totally right.

I retire in 2039, September 2039 to be exact, and I already have a plan. Oh yeah.

Where I work, retirement is a big thing. The women I work with (it’s a whole bunch of women and one guy in my immediate surrounding) retire soon. Well, three of them retire this year. Since I have been working at the university all I have been hearing about is retirement, bank accounts, money, hobbies, divorce, cancer, boredom. I have had 3 jobs in the university and it’s all people talk about. Who is retiring. Who is replacong them. When, how, what are they going to do. And parties. Parties all the time.

My mom is a great example of what to do when you retire. Become so busy that you don’t think of all the time you have in front of you, become crazy about your grandkid (I do mean CRAZYYYY), and defy your doctor so the time you have left is not so long after all. My mom refuses to be active and she dislikes her blood pressure medication. And she won’t stop drinking.

So…having all that retirement in my face and being a bit jealous I have a list of what I will do when it’s « my time ». That way I won’t get bored, I won’t become sick…I might divorce because I will drive J-L crazy but hey, it’s a risk I’m willing to pay for my happiness. I’m supposed to live long, to outlive everyone I know. A tarot reader/medium told me.

My plan :

  1. Have a camping place in the Eastern Townships with fake grass.
  2. Plant plastic pink flamingos in said fake grass.
  3. Wear a bikini without shame. Everything flapping in the wind.
  4. Play bingo from 9pm to 5am.
  5. Line dancing.
  6. Country line dancing.
  7. Sit for hours at the mall during winter and talk to my friends (imaginary or real).
  8. Make my kids crazy by calling during supper or before they go to work.
  9. Wear whatever I feel like.
  10. Paint
  11. Blog
  12. Cook
  13. Read
  14. Pay with change at the dépanneur
  15. Learn Chinese
  16. Walk
  17. Go to the gym
  18. Join the hip hop class…could be the class where people need hip replacement.
  19. Go grocery shopping every day.
  20. I will do like the old men on my street and visit my neighbors and drink beer (ark, maybe vodka) on the front balcony. Maybe I won’t wear a shirt. Maybe I’ll put my foot on a step and rest myself on one knee and argue with them loudly.
  21. I will ride a bike and pick stuff from the trash, good stuff. I will sell it and become rich.
  22. Have lunch at 11am and dinner at 4pm. I’m almost there. Lunch at noon and dinner at 4:30 or 5.
  23. My bike will have a bell and I will use it.
  24. I will join a walking club.
  25. I will take pictures.
  26. I will wear fuzzy slippers or high heel slippers with a boa. Every day.
  27. Some days I will not wear anything than a house dress.
  28. I want plastic sunflowers as well to frighten birds. And visitors.
  29. Spy on my neighbors.
  30. Complain.
  31. Cruises ! How could I forget the cruises ! Shuffleboard, buffets, line dancing…
  32. And the hours spent a Tim Horton’s drinking coffee and eating donuts and gossiping.

It’s just a start. It’s in development but you see where I’m going with this, right ?


7 réflexions sur “When I retire

  1. You had me at the fake grass and flamingos. Great list. I am retired so I ought to know. Oh yes and the bikini – terrific.

  2. Hahahaha! I love this! I want to spy on my neighbors, too. And wear bold, crazy outfits with no shame. All-night bingo sounds like something I could get into, as well. 🙂 Can I go into early retirement?

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