The What Not Meme

People are always giving advice on what NOT to do in this situation and that situation. I’ve had it with the know-it-alls this week. I’m switching it up.
It’s your turn to be the expert. Answer what NOT to do in the following situations.
It’s your spin on potential societal blunders (and a few quirky scenarios you might find yourself in). You didn’t think I’d leave my quirk home now did ya?
What NOT To Do when you’re…..

1. On a first date : Yawn, clean your nails and pick your nose

2. Intoxicated : Call your ex

3. In the shower : The chicken dance, especially if the bath is clean.

4. At your ex’s wedding : Wear a slutty dress and flirt with the groom, dive in a fountain, take your lighter and make the ice sculpture melt, food fight.

5. In jail : Bend over to pick up the soap

6. Being stalked : Try to fix things yourself, stalk the stalker, act nice

7. Stuck to an igloo : Pull and pull, you’re stuck. It would be best not to stick your tongue but did you listen, no !

8. In sewing class : Push the pedal like you’re driving a car instead of sewing with a machine.

9. Asleep in a helium balloon : Roll over

10. At a birthday party for twins : Bring the same gift to both and act as if they are one kid and not two. Ask for two pieces of cake, take two chairs, say that you’re seeing double.

11. On a nude beach : Do the lambada

12. At the opera : Sing along

13. you’re falling in love : Run away, get all neurotic, show your collection of weapons of mass destruction

14. Low on gasoline in a bad part of town : Offer to sell your body for gas

15. Having a baby : Do somersaults, go bungee jumping or participate in beer olympics

16. On fire : Go for gas, have sex or light a cigarette

17. Lost at the mall : Ask directions from the weird guy near the restrooms

18. At a single’s dance : Don’t give it out like free candy

19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike : Slalom without hands
20. Driving your significant other’s car : Wipe your hands everywhere, stick gum under the seat and mess with the radio

21. Being robbed at gunpoint : Sing show tunes

22. Kissing : Breath, salivate or blink

23. Paying the hotel cashier : Wink

24. Buying lingerie : Laugh, rub the fabric against you

24. Commenting on a blog : Leave only a « LOL »

25. In Queen Mimi’s dungeon : Comment on the decoration, complain about the bed if there is one and ask for a leg of lamb, potatoes and carrots with a chocolate soufflé.