There is a rant coming on and you might feel I’m unreasonable, a lunatic and a cynic.
I don’t have kids. I want some. I don’t know when it will happen and if it will happen. I’m still a person. I am a woman. I am a good friend and a good colleague.
Since we have gotten the parental leave of 50 weeks, there has been a baby boom in the province. It’s not bad enough that I usually saw pregnant women and babies everywhere, they ARE everywhere now. There is not a month where a woman I know is not either announcing a pregnancy or giving birth.
I do love babies and pregnant women are beautiful and all that. But I feel like a complete outsider. At work, the first questions they ask when they meet you is « do you have kids »? Who cares. I do my job. Kids or not makes no difference, right ? Wrong. I don’t belong. I don’t have kids. Once I say no, they turn away. Even my boss talks about how « she knows what having kids is like » bla bla bla the turns to me and asks when I plan on having kids so she can plan on my replacement…damn it. Can’t I just work ?
In family meetings, everyone is nuts about my sister’s baby. It’s the only thing they talk about before turning to me and asking when am I going to make some babies ? My parents are so insane about the baby that I ask myself if there is a reason I should have one. They seem concentrated on this one. And while they do that I am free to live my life without a single phone call for weeks.
Going to the metro, mothers and babies in strollers stand on the corner of the street oblivious to people without kids trying to go by without having to walk in the street or walking between the huge mega-strollers.
There is a friend I haven’t seen in more than a year. She had a second baby. She has time for noone else.
I feel like there is this Mommy Club and I’m out of it. I’m complaining that I just want to work, have my family and friends and sidewalk back. I want to feel like it doesn’t matter if I have some or not. People didn’t dare ask when I was single. But now, pft. We are human beings and we « have to » reproduce but it’s not the only goal of humanity.
At one point I had decided I didn’t want kids. It felt weird because I felt I didn’t want the same things other people wanted : babies, house, car, lawnmower, dog, cat. What was the point if I didn’t want that ? Where was my place in the world ? I found what I wanted and needed and proceeded to move forward babyless, boyfriendless.
Then my therapist said something that opened everything up for me and I felt I wanted kids again. Single, in my thirties. I decided it was okay, I would find a way someday. Adoption was not excluded. I met J-L and babies are definitely a project.
BUT I’M STILL A WOMAN AND A HUMAN BEING !!! I can’t help it, I’m grouchy after hearing all the « you can’t understand ». I want in. I want to be seen as a human the same way I see women as something other than just a mommy.
I’m sure I’m not the only one that thinks it’s insulting that people seem to assume the only goal in life is to have kids and it’s rude that they keep asking ? What is wrong with them ? It feels like they are not as happy as they wish they were and they absolutely want me to join them in their misery club where there is no time for anything else than dirty diapers and feedings.
What if I want to be myself above everything else ? Free of what people think I should want and think ? Free of questions ?