Self Interview 4


4 octobre 2007

So…what’s new ?

Well, after a couple days where we had more work, we have « one of those days » where the system’s down and we have no requests.

You don’t seem too depressed over it ?

Nope ! I go on Facebook and I go on Dandelife and write my life away !

I saw that you write in French and English ? How come ?

Well, I was raised in a bilingual family. Dad would speak to me in English and I would answer in French. My Dandelife is bilingual because I have some written journals that are in French that I copy but my everyday life is written in English.

But why English ? Don’t you work and live in French ?

Yes. But sometimes it just comes that way and at other times it’s better in English, I know people I know don’t understand it so…

You don’t want people you know to understand what you write ? Why ?

No I don’t. Because sometimes it doesn’t concern them, sometimes I prefer to have my private garden. That’s why some of my stories are private.

If you want to have a private garden, why do you write on the net ? It’s a bit contradictory !

Not really. It’s easier to share with strangers. Plus, I do want to have privacy from people I know but I still want to share with others. Just not everyone I know.

But why ?

Because !! A lot of people around me are better that way, not knowing who I really am. They prefer it this way, they don’t want to know. And I don’t want some people I know to « know » everything about me. I know it’s confusing.

You have family on Facebook who could read you on Dandelife, right ?

Yes. It would be alright. I think that in most cases family members are the ones that are the most close-minded about who we are. They still see us the way they did when we were all very young. My mom is still astounded that I eat vegetables. She still sees me as a little girl who pouts when she puts a plate in front of me. I hated meal time. So I think that reading some things we write is a good way for family to get to know who we are !

You really are kind of bipolar ! This and that, this pole but this pole too.

I hate it when you remind me of it ! My therapist always brings it back. Why do you do this ?

Don’t you think that the way you like both extremes of things is a way of being bipolar ?

Ungh. Yeah. Why not.

You are so reluctant to admit that even if you are not ashamed of being bipolar, your personality is bipolar.

Yes. I. Am. I am not only bipolar, you know ! It’s true I have a tendency to like both extremes of things but it doesn’t mean I am and will only be a bipolar person. I’m not the only one like this.

Of course not.

And I am trying to focus so I come to a certain milieu, a middle.

Hum. Hum.

You drive me nuts !

Well isn’t  true that you will be volunteering with kids ?

Yes ?

But while you are in councelling in orientation to begin new studies, you are considering thanatology ? Virology or immunology ?

Yes…

Well…they are two different poles. Kids are life, freshness, new beginning. But what you are looking at to study and maybe have a new career is death and sickness.

So what ? Maybe I don’t want to do the same thing all over my life. Maybe I like having contraries and contradictions. Big elephant, small mouse. I like challenges, I like movement.

Okay then !