Le Danseur amer

We didn’t work together anymore, he was from another library. We talked together and I thought he was fun.

Then, he asked me out to the museum. In my head, it was soooooo clear it was just as friends. He couldn’t possibly be interested in me. Why would he ? I confided so many of my men problems to him that I thought it indicated that I wasn’t interested and that he really was just a colleague and nice guy.

Hum. I should’ve known better huh ?

I was thoroughly alarmed by the half of the exhibit. The guy kept taking my arm to direct me towards objects I didn’t want to see but that he wanted to see. I flutter at museums, going to what attracts me and let go of the rest. I don’t see the point in looking at everything. That day I HAD TO. We looked at more than 400 damn design art pieces. I was tired, and grumpy before half was viewed.

The guy was walking so close to me that his feet slided under mine. How could that be possible ? I felt so crowded that I was trying to move away and then he would bring me back by pinching my sleeve and dragging me.

I felt so trapped I must have looked like a Bambie trying to escape.

Towards half of the exhibit he sat down and then he had the « Talk ». I just wanted to DIIIIIEEE!!!

He talked about how when he saw me his heart just wanted to open, how I made him feel special (what the hell ?), how he suddenly wanted to try it with love. Did I feel the same ? Oh, didn’t you have an idea that this was a date ?

GeeWeez Louise. NO. I didn’t know it was a date. Maybe because we had met there, because I paid for the museum and my lunch and because he hadn’t asked me on a DATE. He was a colleague and urk. I told him that no I didn’t think this was a date and I hadn’t thought he felt that way. if I had I wouldn’t have agreed to a « public outing ».

More awkward than that ? He then asked me why I didn’t feel the same. I just wanted to bang my head on the floor so I could pass out already. I couldn’t believe we were having this discussion in public, at a very PUBLIC exhibit and I was getting irritated by the minute.

I told him about my singleton status at the moment, and wanting some time alone (crap why had I broken up with the Troll the week before ?). I couldn’t tell him I didn’t find him manly enough could I?? It may have slipped that I liked tall men, manly men. He then proceeded to grab my arm and push me and talk loudly. I didn’t think this was funny at all. I thought he was losing it and I told him to stop it, I didn’t like it. Didn’t I like real men ? Well, yeah but real men don’t push me around I said.

He did it again when we were near the subway station and I held up my hand as a stop gesture. I was getting afraid and was thinking it was good that I didn’t fancy the guy… We parted and went our separate ways.

But everytime we saw each other I felt I mistrusted him and was afraid of his reactions. He would be all normal and then he would punch me hard on the arm or grab me really hard. I said he better stop touching me because I really didn’t like it.

As I said the guy worked in another library and I went there sometimes to get documents. He had offered to get them before I arrived, and I never took him up on his offer. One day, I was eating outside and he came to eat beside me. He asked me if I came to his library to see him. I didn’t even know he would be there when I came ! I didn’t know his schedule. Well, I stopped going. But he was looking more and more bitter and he even said that it couldn’t have worked out because of our ages.

Huh ? I asked. he then said he was 45 and I was 32. Ah, so ? Well, it’s like 15 years, he said. I agreed. We parted again.

One day, a couple of months ago he came to see me at my desk and announced that he had a girlfriend. We hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. I asked him why he wanted to see me to announce that he had a girlfriend. I said I was happy for him but how did this concern me ? Well, he just wanted me to know.

Ah, goooooood. Good for him, good riddance and good for me.

Now see, I have always been nice because we worked at the same place and I didn’t want to be a bitch. I smile, I’m nice. But GOD was I happy to get rid of him. I hope his girlfriend can endure the guy. We said hello when we saw each other, asked about ballet class (his).

I hadn’t seen him since last winter when ta-daaaaaa I saw him working at my library. I almost hid behind my scarf. Let’s all pray really hard that he’s still with his girlfriend, that it was only for a day, that he never touches me again, that I somehow become invisible…