Maudit chat fou

Cette nuit, le chat a été tellement pénible ! Je ne sais pas pourquoi il voulait absolument aller dehors. D’habitude, il attend à 5h. Là, à 2h, casse le pot de fleur, le géranium se ramasse à terre. Mon chum entend rien alors c’est moi qui se lève et qui ramasse le pot, les fleurs, la terre. Depuis hier soir qu’il grattait la litière, le mur, la vitre. Après le géranium, il est sorti par ma fenêtre d’en avant et a sauté sur le balcon. On est au 3e ! Qui s’est levée pour aller le chercher ? Moi.

Pus capable de dormir.

Il a foncé dans la porte, renversé le bac de recyclage, vomi. ARGH.

Si je le laisse sortir avant 5h, il va toujours redemander la porte.

Ben, sti, à 5h, il dormait sur le congélateur !! On l’a sorti. Moi, je suis trop fatiguée pour aller travailler.

Booking Through Thursday : Beach Buddies

Which fictional character (or group of characters) would you like to spend a day at the beach with? Why would he/she/they make good beach buddies?

I think it would be fun to spend a day at the beach with Sookie Stackhouse (she loves sunbathing and reading). I would also invite Elizabeth Bennett because she is so calm and collected (and she loves reading). We wouldn’t have to talk all the time and we wouldn’t have to play volleyball.

I think Stephanie Plum would be a great addition just for the craziness she would bring, the gossip she would have to share and maybe because…Ranger and Joe wouldn’t be too far. But Lula would surely come along…oh well. The more the crazier, right ?

Ma sorte de folie

Bust Your Windows de Glee. Vidéo de l’épisode 3 où Mercedes pète la vitre de l’auto de Kirk parce qu’il brise son coeur. C’est un malentendu, mais le message est là…c’est le genre de connerie que je me suis retenue souvent de faire mais dont je rêve…régulièrement.

Concording neurosis

We all have our patterns, you know ?

I think we find people because of these patterns and we choose someone because the patterns of behaviour match. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle. A puzzle of madness. Unless we see those patterns and accept them, we can’t break them. It’s a puzzle that can be found in families (siblings are often complementray to one another), in couples, in friendships, at work.

Someone with a savior complex will find someone to save, dependent and hopeless.

Someone with insecurity will find someone with a God complex. Someone that can never do his work in time and his disorganized will find someone who needs to be accepted and can’t say no to do the work.

My Sister, an alcoholic, neurotic, jealous, insecure, unfaithful woman who’s always in trouble found a man who was used to take care of other people, who lived through his mom leaving them, he took care of his dying dad, a nice man.

My mom did the same thing.

My little sister who feels lonely all the time finds guys that leave her alone.

I used to find men with bottomless patience, an uncanny ability to save money like squirrels, men who wanted to understand me, nurture me and…computer geeks. Men who wanted to save me. I was often in deep shit, my life was full of drama, I projected a vulnerability that they found appealing, I never had any money.

Just saying, you know. It’s the start of a certain reflexion.

Show and Tell 7

When I was a kid, I used to draw houses, cats, princesses. I took arts in school every year. I was planning to get a degree in arts one day. I went to college in arts too. I used to be very figurative in what I did. It used to be that you could clearly see what I was drawing and painting. And then it changed.

Maybe it was the depression. Maybe it was that I just couldn’t concentrate or breathe or live. I started to paint more gestually. Like I had to get stuff out of my system faster. Maybe it was everything I was keeping inside but that I still needed to get out : the agression, my parent’s drinking, my breakup with D. We had to do a remake of a painting and that’s when it started. My plan was to remake the painting in another colour but it wasn’t different enough. So I went at it differently by being more gestual and it was liberating. I was in a zone and I was surprised by the result but so were the teachers and students.

After that, I went to study something else in Montreal. The depression was still there but I didn’t have the time to draw or paint. Until 2002 when everything was threatening to crash down. Well, it had crashed. I was a train wreck. New meds, a roommate I was afraid of, relationships that went nowhere, a workplace that made people lose their sanity, learning that My Sister had almost been raped by my biodad…it was horrible. And I wanted to keep everything under control all the time. But sometimes it was just bubbling inside me, threatening to eat me alive and then I had to paint or go mad.

So I started painting again and the only thing I could do was abstract. Full of colour, full of movement. Dyptics, tryptics, huge canvases or many small ones.

This one was made in the small hours of the morning.  I was thinking about my ex-roommate. I was afraid, couldn’t sleep even if I kept a knife near my bed. I write this and everything seems so far away, so unbelievable. This painting is a witness of that time when I was deeply afraid, deeply ashamed, a time when I couldn’t speak. I just couldn’t. I was lost, completely lost. The only thing I had was my job and my cat (a beautiful white and black female with huge green eyes). And all I could do was paint when I couldn’t bury myself in my work anymore, or watch TV until I black out.

I rarely have time to paint anymore but every time I do a painting, it’s abstract, it’s huge, it’s colorful and a bit haunted.

To know how to participate in the Show and Tell and see what the other kids are up to this week click here !